for Jane,
for my sisters

Jules International
1997

The WWW Edition
1998

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Printed copies of the original version are available

I asked to be dropped at the front gate so I could walk, erect, into faeriedom. I arrived at 11:00 a.m. and, to my horror, no valet. I nearly turned around.

I must admit that I embarked on my voyage of discovery with a great deal of hesitation. Up until the last minute, I wasn't sure that I even wanted to attend. Were the Radical Faeries too radical or not radical enough for me? As I set my luggage on the porch of the building - lovingly referred to as the "Erection" - I announced my arrival. My thoughts were now geared to achieving enlightenment, and critical observation. I wanted to gain some understanding as to the concept and logic of such a segment of the gay population. Critical analysis soon turned to comfort and a sense of security. I was humbled by a level of openness and honesty seldom felt, and so vigorously sought after. I had walked into Eden.

The Thanksgiving ritual was, well it was the most unusual yet beautiful experience I have ever been honoured to attend. The tables were set with candles, cedar boughs, autumn leaves, gourds, fresh figs and wine. The meal was an Indian selection that was pure excitement for any palate. The setting was complete. We gathered in a "circle" to give thanks. We then disrobed and experienced a wonderfully sensual and humbling foot washing ritual. We ate, we sang, we laughed and we created an atmosphere of what I believe to be true faeriedom.

I experienced a sauna for only the second time in my life and, I assure you, it certainly will not be my last. It was not only physically cleansing, but also a wonderful spiritually cleansing experience. However, it did not help with my hat hair. I, of course, in order to feel well put together, must be able to poof my hair. My hair, though I'm ashamed to admit it, was unpoofable. Hanging upside down didn't even work; I tried it once and got a headache. There's nothing worse than a bitch with unpoofable hair and a headache. I didn't even shave for two days, which is rather odd for this faerie queen, but I stuck it out. Jules said that I looked fine so I hoped that I would be able to use my face as a loofah sponge for someone's thighs. Two needs could be achieved and, think about it, we could both end up with a lovelier complexion.

I remember how my back was sore after spending so much time in the kitchen on Sunday. I needed to stretch out my lower back and re-focus. It was dark, the stars were bright, and there was a whisper of a breeze. I laid down on a bench near the fire pit and started humming quietly. At peace and feeling very content, it was easy to drift to the heights of awareness and touch my spirit. I heard a couple of voices headed in my direction; it was Paul and Michael. They sensed that I needed some pampering, Paul started to massage my neck and Michael started to massage my body. They both started humming, first with me and then on their own. I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. No one has ever given me a massage before. I have always spent so much time catering to the needs of others that it never occurred to me that I could be pampered.

The trust is natural between these men. You do not have the sense that you should be wearing an athletic supporter for protection. I can always use it as a fashion accessory and with the right attitude, girl, it works well.

The faeries represent a small segment of the gay population who understand that intimacy does not have to involve sex. Walls and masks are cast off exploring and experiencing what gay is all about. I earned my huge, glorious and colourful wings that weekend, and I accept them with joy.